Introducing

Stand Up and

Thrive!

A private membership group for Forward Moving Spouses

A compassionate and safe group of men and women experiencing the trauma of losing a spouse to Midlife Crisis. Join us for support in Standing for your marriage or moving forward toward separation and divorce. Stand Up and THRIVE! gives you an understanding, nonjudgmental community for learning about Midlife Crisis, growth and healing.
Stand Up and THRIVE! will help you go from feeling isolated and alone in your experience with betrayal and Midlife Crisis, to feeling accepted and understood amidst all the MLC chaos and confusion. Together we are stronger and we will help each other heal and THRIVE!

Stand Up and THRIVE!

Before I tell you about Stand Up and THRIVE!, let’s talk about who it's really for…

When you got married you had dreams of starting a life together, creating and fulfilling your dreams and of growing old together. You were in-love. And that lasted. It was good, maybe even great and amazing.
And then BOMB DROP, "I love you, but I'm not in-love with you," and overnight your world changed. It was sudden. It was shocking. You became the enemy. Your kids are hurt. You're now the betrayed...

Maybe you're...

  • isolated and feeling alone--no one gets it. Your friends just want you to move on and your family now hates your MLC spouse.
  • confused by therapists who don't have the answers--they either don't understand MLC or they don't believe it's real. But you need answers.
  • Standing for now. You just want to heal and be there for your kids and show them how to be strong and that you don't give up on family. You don't want to make a decision to end your marriage yet, but you know you may do that in the future.
  • Lost and confused by all of it. You wanted your marriage... until Bomb Drop. Now, you don't know anymore--the bridge is burning. Is reconciliation possible? Probable? Realistic? Is the risk worth it?
  • Stuck. You want to feel better and stop crying, but don't know how. You want to feel special and important again, but you don't even know how to trust your own judgment.

Whether your...

  • MLCer is a Vanisher--you don't know where they live, if they're dead or alive... they don't contact you and refuse to respond if you contact them. You don't know what's going on--is this MLC, it's hard to tell without communication.
  • Is a Clinging Boomerang; he stops by to see you all the time, texts you about the most random things and keeps trying to get you into bed. The back-and-forth confusion is driving you nuts!
  • MLCer left you and the kids telling you that they'll be fine, kids are resilient! Maybe they're even saying they left you, not the kids, but that's not how your children feel about it.
  • MLCer left you for someone else, but reassured you that it probably won’t last and they see the two of you getting through this together eventually. Huh? You’re stuck in hope, constantly afraid you’ll mess up and ruin your chances.
  • MLCer says you were the worst wife ever. He's spent your retirement on his new girlfriend, new cars and fancy vacations. He doesn’t call or text, but you did hear that he’s engaged. You’re not even divorced!
  • MLCer's affair is over—you think. Your spouse lives at home, but shows no interest in you, or anything like being a part of the family; nope, their main hobby is avoiding you and everyone else. They’re so depressed or grumpy that it’s a relief to not deal with them.
You're in the right place and there are others who get it because their experience mirrors yours. You are not alone!!! I'm going to tell you exactly how Stand Up and Thrive! will help you feel a sense of community and belonging, and motivate you to heal, giving you permission to love yourself, focus on you and become your Best Self.

Now imagine belonging, understanding and healing.

  • Your friends don't get it. Your counselor doesn't get it. Your kids are mad at you and the rest of your family now hates your spouse.
    We get it. 
  • You are important. You matter. Stand Up and Thrive! connects you with others who understand what it feels like to be discarded. Helping others heal will help you to heal.
  • Finally you can get some of those MLC questions answered. 
  • You no longer feel anxious as you anticipate what's coming. You watch your spouse as an observer without being pulled into their drama either as a rescuer, victim or villain.
  • When your spouse Monsters, you are able to detach, be firm with your boundaries and not take it personally.

 When You Join Now

Weekly Group Coaching 

Join the group for live coaching sessions where you can listen in, ask questions and discuss your progress, challenges and wins with the group. Recordings will be available IF there are more than 2 in attendance.

Twice Weekly Zoom Live Group Meetings

This is similar to Group coaching, but short and informal. This is your opportunity to ask me questions, discuss your progress and get to know your peers. Join in or just listen. Recordings will be available IF there are more than 2 in attendance.

Weekly Detachment Discussion

We meet for 1 to 2 hours each week to discuss Detahment with a focus on understanding James Messina's article Developing Detachment.

MLC Forum, Private Board

The Hero's Spouse has a public FREE Community forum. This forum also has a private area available only for Stand Up and Thrive! members (and forum mentor-moderators).

Q&A Archives

All previous live Q&A sessions will be archived. These began in June 2020 and were typically weekly for 60 minutes.



Q&A Live or Pre-Recorded

 The goal is to have enough submissions for a 60 minute weekly Zoom Live Q&A. Until then, I will pre-record answers to your questions and post them Q&A Area.


Detach & Thrive

A guided program made up of 5 modules for disentangling attached emotions, enabling you to heal while lovingly Standing for your marriage without risking emotional stability.

A Note on Scheduling
One week out of each month will be used as a make-up week in case I need to cancel for emergencies, scheduling conflicts or hey, maybe I need a vacation! This make-up week will typically be scheduled as all other weeks, but if I haven't been able to reschedule a cancelled live meeting, the make-up week has it covered. I try to make-up cancelled meetings outside of a make-up week with the exception of the additional Detachment Discussion--I may use that time slot to make up other missed sessions if necessary.
All Live Meetings alternate between my mornings and afternoons to accommodate the global membership.

General 2-Week Schedule (School Year)

Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

Friday

Week 1

Zoom Live: 2:00 pm

Group Coaching
9:00 am to 11:00 am

Discuss Detachment
1:00 pm to 3:00 pm

Zoom Live: 9:00 am

Week 2

Zoom Live: 2:00 pm

Discuss Detachment
9:00 am to 11:00 am

Group Coaching
1:00 pm to 3:00 pm

Zoom Live: 9:00 am

Tentative 2-Week Schedule (Summer)

Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

Friday

Week 1

Group Coaching
9:00 am to 11:00 am

Discuss Detachment
9:00 am to 11:00 am

Zoom Live: 2:00 pm

Week 2

Discuss Detachment
1:00 pm to 3:00 pm

Group Coaching
1:00 pm to 3:00 pm

Zoom Live: 2:00 pm

Please note that in order to not lose the longer Detachment Discussion, I have reduced the 30 minute Zoom Lives to once a week during the Summer.

Detachment is the most important tool in your Healing Toolbox

Detach & Thrive

Detach & Thrive will help you go from feeling powerless and emotional to embracing inner peace and emotional strength while preserving your love for your spouse by detaching yourself from their actions and emotions.
MODULE 1

Detachment

In this module you will learn the basic definition of Detachment as we apply it to relationships as well as additional concepts of Detachment.
Why is is so important to Detach?
Why is it so hard?
What are the benefits of Detaching--how will it help me?


MODULE 2

Who Are you?

Knowing who you are not only enables you to accept and embrace the present, but also look forward to who you want to continue to become and what you want to do.
Often times we get lost in our relationships and identify with our roles rather than with who we are at our core. It's time to rediscover you!
This module consists of a variety of projects to help you focus on who you are and want to be.
Embrace the joy in discovering and being you!

MODULE 3

Respond Instead of React

Brain Anatomy
What's going on when we react?
Why are we reactive?

You'll learn a step-by-step plan of action for becoming responsive both in the moment and by planning ahead.

MODULE 4

CoDependence

What does it mean to be CoDependent?
No, it's not just for relationships with alcoholics! Learn how you may be CoDependent in your relationship and what to do about it.
Are you CoDepedent?
How and Why: A review of the signs and symptoms Overcoming CoDependence.

MODULE 5

Boundaries

MLCers love to challenge boundaries! And Forward Moving Spouses like you are often afraid to set them.
Why?
Fear
Learn about the different kind of boundaries, how to set boundaries and consequences and overcome your fears.

EXTRA

Mindfulness

Because I feel Mindfulness is so important, I don't want to focus on it in an isolated module. Instead I've embedded Mindfulness lessons and projects into every module.
I've created a variety of projects to suit different learning styles and interests. Dive in and try several.

What People are Saying about Detach & Thrive

Before Detach & Thrive, every conversation with my husband seemed to disintegrate into arguments filled with blame and denial; I was still full of so much anger and pain. The course allowed me to see the ways in which I was co-dependent, and the lessons about the drama triangle and boundaries now have me practicing more positive ways of interacting with him.
Corly

Forward Moving Spouse

The group coaching calls have been so helpful! I feel that I've found an amazing group of people who understand what MLC is, and we can relate to each other's experiences. So few people get this! I have actually heard a marriage counselor say that there is no such thing as a Midlife Crisis. The course is organized beautifully and comprehensively.   Kenda-Ruth provides the gift of understanding.
Claire

Forward Moving Spouse

I'm Kenda-Ruth
I’m a mom of 5 active and adorable children. My babies are such sweet miracles and I am still amazed that I am so blessed to be Mamma to 5 young people. My husband's Midlife Crisis began in 2005 and back then, we didn't have children. Yup, our five kids came along after reconciliation!

I’m a writer with training in writing for children, but that can be misleading if you think I wrote cute books about a rhyming bunny. My interests are in traditional tales—myths, folk tales, fables… Before midlife crisis disrupted my life, this led me to an interest in Joseph Campbell’s work in comparative mythology, which then pointed me toward Jungian studies.

That background foundation set me up for a unique understanding of what my husband was going through during his midlife crisis. This understanding combined with my writing skills was the key to explaining midlife crisis to other Forward Moving Spouses like you.

Now don’t get me wrong, that understanding doesn’t mean I wasn’t scared, anxious and confused. I still had a Bomb Drop that felt like it came without warning and a husband who immediately began acting irrationally, impulsively and flitted between anger at me and fear of not having me. I still had to learn about detachment which I initially resisted, learn to deal with infidelity, Monster, cycling… I was there in the midlife crisis this sucks trenches!

I made an early decision to start with the last desperate solutions first--those things I'd been curious to use for other things, but they seemed to woo-woo and people might look at me funny! My focus was on Mindfulness with meditation and hypnotherapy as my main tools.

I dedicated hours and hours to study and practice each week. It was a risk that paid off. I focused on Grace, listening and understanding. My goal was to heal while also not allowing myself to become resentful and bitter--I invested a lot of focus on having an open heart. I embraced the opportunity of TIME not only to heal, but also for personal enrichment. This worked for me.

I started The Hero's Spouse in 2008 and have been coaching Forward Moving Spouses since 2010.  My mission is to help you heal without bitterness, learn to forgive and embrace and choose joy. I can't save your marriage for you, but I can help you heal which is what you need to do to have a saved marriage. I can help increase your chances to reconcile and I can help you thrive regardless of the outcome.

Stand Up and THRIVE! is closed for new members. 
Join the waiting list to be notified when the cart opens.

I open for new members approximately every 8 weeks, this gives new members a chance to go through the Detach & Thrive material together.  If you're on the list, I'll send you a quick email the night before the official cart opening.

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